Lost

When feelings are so messed up that you can't put them into words, when thousand lines are not enough to express how you feel and when the only thing that's getting you through starts to slip away..

I've been so far away from you, had million barriers to reach the destination, your path. Mocked and underestimated for my beliefs, yet that doesn't matter cause your mercy still reaches me. Sinned like animals as if I had no brain, and yet you still waiting for me to knock on your door. Sent me a lot of signs and I did nothing but ignorance, dunya casts it's spell on me and it took me away again. I tasted the sweetness of iman once, and I craved for more and knew I had to sacrifice some things in order to taste it again, had to give up on my desires and haram needs, even the silly ones.

Every time I thought of death I smiled and teared, smiled cause I'll get to see Your beautiful face and teared cause my deeds won't make You proud..

Got attached to things that took Your place in my heart and it hurt me cause it was against my nature that You created, my nature that should only be attached to You. I sought help and You were my sole purpose so please let me get closer to You, let me taste the sweetness of iman again and grant me soberness.

I'm sorry my lord for all the shortcomings, and am sorry for opening my heart to other than You

I'm sorry for every broken promise and am sorry for upsetting you

I'm sorry for taking your signs for granted 

I'm sorry for neglecting your Quran

I'm sorry for not being worthy of your sweet treatment

I'm sorry for my shameless past 

I'm sorry, and I know it's useless until I put it into actions, but I promise you this time I'll do my best to make you proud.

Again, I'm sorry.